To go to Africa

All of my life I’ve wanted to be a doctor. Man, when I was 8 years old, I wanted to go to Harvard medical school. I even had an email that was harvord_medical_student@yahoo.com. Notice that Harvard is spelled wrong, HEY I was a kid; still am! Every time I mentioned this to people they always rolled their eyes. As I got older I realized to go to Harvard I needed much better grades, why this was a goal, to get my grades up, Harvard was a dream that I had already awakened up from. But the doctor part was still there. About two years ago God called me to mission field. I began to wonder how i could be a doctor and a missionary. Maybe God was just calling me to missions. But He had given me such a heart for sick children that I knew He wanted me to do something on the mission field.

I began to explore my options. I finally put down the mac and decided to pray about it. These ideas just began to float in my mind, ideas that I think are impossible. The term “impossibility” became foreign to me when God began to show me just how omnipotent He really is.

The passed few months I’ve been praying very hard that God would show me what He wants me to do. I get so frustrated sometimes just thinking about it. Then, the other night an idea hit me:

I could go to school when I graduate and get a degree in oncology and general medicine. ALOT of schooling but it would be worth it in the end. Then, work for a few years and recruit another doctor and a few nurses. From there we would all move to Africa and build a clinic. We would be gin taking patients and while treating them or diagnosing them, we could witness to them and share the gospel with them!

I came inside one night after thinking about all this and confronted my momma. I told her about my plan and I was so excited! She wasn’t to enthused about the whole thing but that didn’t get me down. That night I was laying in bed hardly getting enough rest thinking about this GREAT plan.

I began to forget the whole reason I wanted to do this. The main goal in my life is to glorify God the way He should be. I don’t have to build a clinic in Africa to share the gospel. I don’t have to go to East Asia for 10 days to be a servant of Christ. Yes, these things are good, but what about the place God put me. What about the plans God has for me. Why not just let Him put me where He wants me?

Through all of this dramatic chaos God is in control. Last week I forgot about this.
Last week one of my authority figures told me that I wasn’t smart enough to even make it through pre-med. This was so discouraging to me. That whole night sitting under her teaching I was having treacherous thoughts, just HATEFUL thoughts. Who was she to tell me that I am not smart enough. Getting so hot-headed about the whole thing, I forgot that I wasn’t even sure if God even wanted me to be a doctor or not!

I got home that night and was just so disgusted. I went straight to be and then next day was just awful. Wednesday rolled around and I just began to feel so convicted about my thoughts toward this woman, and how I just wasn’t trusting God. I had become a person that I never thought I would become. I had completely put all of my trust in MY plans and what I wanted to do.

But, again, God broke me. He broke through the cement to my heart before it got to hard. On my way home that night this song came on K-LOVE and really spoke to me;

I've been here before
Now, here I am again
Standing at the door
Praying You'll let me back in

To label me
A prodigal would be
Only scratching the surface
Of who I've been known to be

Turn me around, pick me up
Undo what I've become
Bring me back to the place
Of forgiveness and grace
I need You, I need Your help
I can't do this myself
You're the only one
Who can undo what I've become

I focused on the score
But I could never win
Trying to ignore
A life of hiding my sin

To label me
A hypocrite would be
Only scratching the surface
Of who I've been known to be

Turn me around, pick me up
Undo what I've become
Bring me back to the place
Of forgiveness and grace
I need You, I need Your help
I can't do this myself
You're the only one
Who can undo what I've become

Make every step lead me back to
The sovereign way that You
Turn me around, pick me up
Undo what I've become
Bring me back to the place
Of forgiveness and grace
I need You, I need Your help
I can't do this myself
You're the only one who can undo
You are the only one who can undo
You're the only one who can undo
What I've become

After this song, all I could do was turn off the radio and pray. Ask forgiveness for the awful person I’d become. I put my trust back in Christ. Now, the next few days were still hard but talking to God got me through it.

I titled this “To go to Africa” in the beginning. I’ll leave it that way. The point in this is to show that God is in control of it all.